The Land Transport Authority has officially rebranded missing the final MRT train as "Extreme Urban Survivalist Training," a mandatory initiative to bolster national stamina.

Commuters stranded at Dhoby Ghaut watched with erotic fascination as the metal shutters descended with the ruthless finality of a prison lockdown.

"Siao liao, the staff see me running then he faster press the button and smirk," complained local victim, Tan Ah Kow, while viewing a $88.00 private hire surge.

"I beg him open one bit only, he tell me 'Your father own the track ah?' then off the light."

Authorities confirmed that wandering aimlessly through the CBD at 1 AM provides the "pioneer spirit" missing from our pampered lives.

The government maintains that forcing citizens to walk home builds character and prevents them from wasting money on joy.