The Land Transport Authority has announced a new initiative to install industrial-grade amplifiers on all MRT trains to ensure no domestic dispute goes unheard.

Under the new "Mandatory Transparency" policy, passengers failing to broadcast their mother-in-law’s medical history at 120 decibels will face immediate fines.

Transport officials noted that the current volume of loudspeaker calls was simply insufficient to reach the ears of commuters in the next carriage.

"I want the whole world know my son never pass math," screamed local commuter Mavis Tan, while clutching her phone like a greasy chicken wing.

"Wah lau, if I don't use speaker, how my friend know I buying toto at next station, siao ah?"

Authorities hope this will finally bridge the gap between private stupidity and public auditory assault.