The Land Transport Authority has finally conceded that the average Singaporean’s vocal cords are significantly more powerful than any MRT announcement.

Starting Monday, all trains will feature industrial-grade amplifiers to ensure the entire cabin can properly enjoy Mrs Tan’s screeching critique of her daughter-in-law’s laundry habits.

“Wah lau, if I don’t scream, how the whole world know my son is useless? Talk soft-soft for what?” shouted commuter Mavis Teo, while holding her phone like a piece of buttered toast.

The new policy encourages citizens to treat the Circle Line as a public confessional, mandating a minimum volume of 115 decibels for all gossip-related calls.

“Siao ah, you think the signal here very good is it? Must shout then she can hear my voice mah!” yelled one uncle, accidentally spraying saliva on a nearby toddler.