The Land Transport Authority has officially sanctioned the use of industrial cattle prods against commuters who refuse to remove their overstuffed Quechua backpacks.

Starting Monday, "Stand-up Stacey" will be retired in favour of "Smiting Samantha," a mascot armed with a spiked bat to enforce basic spatial awareness.

"He carry one giant bag like going Everest then still want to block the door, so I just zap his backside loh, damn shiok," remarked local commuter Lim Kopi.

Government officials confirmed that personal safety is now secondary to the priority of squeezing five more bodies into the already suffocating Circle Line carriages.

Commuters are encouraged to aim for the groin if the offender’s bag contains a gaming laptop or an entire week’s worth of unwashed gym gear.