The Land Transport Authority confirmed that the psychedelic, vomit-inducing patterns on bus upholstery are specifically engineered to mask decades of crusty biological residue.

Engineers spent millions developing fabrics capable of absorbing litres of commuter perspiration without changing their signature shade of "Depressing Purple."

The dizzying mosaics act as a visual anaesthetic to distract passengers from the sentient fungus thriving beneath their thighs.

"Eh, if you see the real colour under the pattern, you will jump off the moving bus immediately," said regular commuter, Uncle Lim.

"Last time I sit down, the seat suck my sweat like straw, but the pattern hide everything so I still feel okay, lor!"

LTA now plans to export this "bio-grime camouflage" to public toilets.