As Donald Trump declares Iran’s peace terms "unacceptable" and prepares the world for a radioactive nuclear winter, Singaporeans have maintained their legendary focus on what truly matters: escaping their own pathetic lives.

Local student, Ryan Lim, 16, reportedly performed a ritual dance in his bedroom, hoping a stray Iranian drone might accidentally level the Ministry of Education headquarters before his O-Level Additional Mathematics paper.

"Trump can launch whatever he wants as long as I don't have to differentiate trigonometric functions," Ryan stated, eyeing a map of potential fallout zones with erotic intensity.

Meanwhile, heartland uncles are complaining that the Strait of Hormuz blockade is a blatant rip-off of the ERP system, but without the benefit of a functioning IU unit.

Defense officials have assured the public that in the event of a global apocalypse, the government will still find a way to tax your remaining carbonized remains.