Local masochists are flocking to Pulau Ubin to pay premium prices for the privilege of mounting disintegrating bicycles that haven't seen oil since the British surrender.

The Ministry of Health has officially designated the island’s cycling trails as a cost-effective alternative to state-sponsored torture.

"Wah lau, the chain drop five times already, and my backside feel like it kena sandpapered by the seat," said Lim Ah Kow, while slapping a mosquito the size of a surveillance drone.

Visitors claim the experience of dodging wild boars while navigating mud pits provides a necessary break from the air-conditioned sterility of the mainland.

"This one not leisure, this one is self-inflicted punishment, but at least got no boss calling me," another cyclist wheezed before collapsing into a mangrove swamp.

Authorities remind the public that fainting from humidity is considered a successful form of "unplugging" from the modern world.