After two years of intensive PowerPoint shuffling, local corporate slave Tan Ah Kow has finally achieved his dream of becoming a certified visionary.

The $120,000 degree successfully equipped Tan with the unique ability to say "low-hanging fruit" and "holistic ecosystem" without instantly vomiting.

"Wah lau, this fellow pay so much just to learn how to talk cock in air-con room only ah?" noted a childhood friend.

The curriculum focused on "Strategic Disruptive Innovation," which is academic-speak for asking interns to do your work while you attend networking cocktails.

"Eh, don’t play play hor, now I can fail upwards into middle management like a real professional," Tan remarked while updating his LinkedIn headline.

Statistically, the only thing more useless than this degree is the paper it’s printed on, which is too thin to even wipe yourself with during a recession.