Singaporeans, desperate to escape the soul-crushing efficiency of the city-state, have turned to the high-stakes gamble of rollerblading.

This "lepak" activity involves strapping unstable plastic boots to one's feet and praying that a rogue pebble doesn't result in permanent facial reconstruction.

Experts suggest that the thrill of potentially breaking a femur is the only way residents can feel alive in a sanitized nanny state.

"I just want to feel the wind in my thinning hair before the inevitable heatstroke kicks in," said 45-year-old hobbyist, Teck Meng.

"Siao eh, last week I try to do 'crossover' then straight away kiss the floor, now my knee like prata liao, but damn shiok leh!"

Authorities are considering a "Skate-In-Your-Lane" campaign after reports of aunties reaching speeds that violate the laws of physics.

Until then, East Coast Park remains a buffet of scraped knees and shattered dignity.