
Local Man Declared Brain Dead After 48-Hour Catan Marathon
The Singapore Civil Defence Force has cordoned off a local board game cafe after a group of youths entered a catatonic state during a three-day session.
Authorities discovered the victims fused to their plastic chairs, surrounded by empty packets of overpriced snacks and the pungent aroma of fermented sweat.
"Wah lau, I see them since Tuesday, they never move one leh," said witness Tan Ah Lian.
"I thought they die already, but then I see one fella still trying to trade wood for sheep, damn siao one."
Medical experts confirm that the participantsβ brains have completely liquified, leaving only the vestigial ability to calculate victory points and argue over rulebooks.
The Ministry of Manpower is now considering reclassifying extreme board game marathons as hazardous industrial accidents to prevent further loss of productive tax-paying citizens.
"Uncle, don't disturb my flow can or not? I almost win already, just need one more turn then can go home shower," muttered a survivor.
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