Singaporeans are currently processing the news of 780 arrests in France with the same blank stare they give to a domestic helper asking for a day off.

To a true Sinkie, a "violent riot" is when two uncles at a Bukit Merah coffee shop argue over whose grandson has a higher PSLE score.

While the French celebrate victory by immolating themselves in motocross accidents and throwing fireworks, local fans are wondering why no one was there to issue a $300 fine for illegal littering.

“Where is the efficiency?” asked one corporate drone. “If you’re going to die for a football club, at least do it in a way that doesn't block the bus lane during peak hour.”

MHA has since issued a reminder that any local rioting will result in immediate public shaming on Stomp and the permanent confiscation of the offender's CPF, which is a fate far worse than actual death.