The Singapore Food Agency has officially banned "traditional" food, declaring any dish without a K-pop-inspired fermented cabbage garnish a threat to national identity.

New regulations require all hipster cafes to douse basic laksa in liquefied Gruyère and "oppa-grade" truffle oil to ensure the price tag reaches at least thirty dollars.

This latest cultural assault follows the successful integration of Japanese sea urchin into soft-boiled eggs, a move that experts say makes breakfast taste like expensive seawater and vanity.

"Eh, if I don't put one thick layer of charcoal cheese on my char kway teow, these youngsters say my food 'no vibes' and 'beh song' lah," complained veteran hawker Uncle Lim.

Public health officials are concerned that the average Singaporean’s arteries are now 40% mozzarella and 60% desperation for social media clout.

"I only eat Prata if it got Korean Bulgogi and Italian gold leaf, otherwise how to post on IG?" asked local influencer, Cheryl.

The government confirmed that any chef caught serving plain chicken rice without a Matcha-Miso glaze will be publicly whipped.