Local father Andrew Han recently confirmed that his iPhone 15 Pro Max is statistically more deserving of his undivided attention than his own mediocre offspring.

The high-flying professional noted that while his children provide nothing but sticky fingerprints and demands for expensive enrichment classes, his smartphone offers a consistent 120Hz refresh rate and the sweet dopamine of LinkedIn likes.

“People talk about the importance of being present, but have you seen the resolution on this OLED screen?” asked Han, while ignoring a suspicious thud coming from the nursery.

“My son hasn't had a firmware update since 2021, whereas iOS gives me exciting new ways to ignore my reality every few months.”

Han’s wife, a fellow corporate warrior, agreed that scrolling through schedules for competitive abacus training is the only way to feel alive in this economy.

The couple plans to fully outsource their parenting duties to an iPad Pro by the next fiscal quarter to maximize their own personal screen time.

“We’re playing the long game,” Han explained while gently stroking his phone’s titanium frame.

“Eventually, the kids will get their own devices, and we can finally ignore each other in silence like a proper Singaporean family.”