The Ministry of Defence has unveiled its latest urban combat training: surviving the predatory, soul-crushing gaze of a 60-year-old auntie on the North-South Line.

Soldiers are now taught that a single unbuttoned pocket is a greater national security threat than a full-scale maritime invasion.

The new "Public Scrutiny" module ensures every NSF feels like a miserable zoo animal being judged by people who think "serving the country" means complaining about the MRT air-con.

"Eh, you see that recruit? Why he sit down? My time we carry 100kg and run to Tekong, now all strawberry!" remarked Mdm Tan, who hasn't walked five hundred metres since the SARS outbreak.

One corporal was reportedly mauled by a mob of Karens for daring to hold a smartphone while his beret was slightly askew.

"Lanjiao lah, I just want to go home and sleep, but this uncle keep staring at my boots like I personally murdered his cat," complained Recruit Lim while hiding in the train's corner.

MINDEF confirmed that being "STOMPed" for the crime of existing while tired is now a prerequisite for any IPPT Gold award.

If the public doesn't treat you like a common criminal for wearing green, are you even really defending the nation?