After 22 years of being the laughingstock of every HDB coffee shop, local Arsenal fans finally have something to scream about besides their worsening prostate issues.

The victory comes just in time for the "Invincibles" generation to celebrate before their cataracts fully set in and they forget who Thierry Henry is.

Gooners who last saw a trophy before they had mortgages or functional knees are now flooding the streets, confusing the SPF with their sudden, non-depressive outbursts.

Mikel Arteta’s men secured the title after Manchester City accidentally forgot to bank-transfer the referees for five minutes.

Singaporean fans have spent two decades developing a high tolerance for public humiliation, a skill usually reserved for SAF career regulars.

One 45-year-old uncle admitted he hasn't felt this much blood flow to his lower extremities since 2004, though he noted it might just be a side effect of his blood pressure medication.

The government has refused to declare a public holiday, noting that most fans are already on long-term medical leave for chronic heartbreak.