Iran’s Revolutionary Guards are currently playing a high-stakes game of "Guess Which Tanker Is Carrying Your Lifestyle" in the Strait of Hormuz.

While Donald Trump pauses his bombing schedule to practice his short game, Singaporeans are experiencing a sudden urge to sell their luxury cars and start a marathon.

The Ministry of Trade and Industry has assured citizens that although global oil supplies are being strangled, the nation has enough stockpiled resentment to power the city for decades.

"It's a red line," warned an Iranian official, holding a container ship hostage like a stolen umbrella at a crowded Maxwell hawker centre.

Meanwhile, local petrol stations have updated their digital price boards to simply display a middle finger emoji.

The seizure of the MSC Francesca has sent shockwaves through the heartlands, mainly because it contains a massive shipment of air fryers for people who cannot cook.

Authorities suggest that if the blockade continues, the sole movement in the Tuas Mega Port will be the salty tears of logistics managers.

Economists predict that if prices rise any further, the specific way to afford a full tank is to sell a portion of your liver on the dark web.

"The Americans won't attack, and the Iranians won't budge," said one local analyst.

"Basically, we are all getting screwed without even a complimentary parking coupon."