As Iran maintains its "harder, daddy" grip on the Strait of Hormuz, Singaporeans are preparing to trade their firstborn for a liter of 95-octane petrol.

US Intelligence confirms Tehran won’t stop squeezing the world’s oil artery, leaving local Grab drivers contemplating an "Oxygen Surcharge" just to survive the next ERP gantry.

While Trump claims he can reopen the passage with a tweet and some tanning oil, the IRGC is charging "passage fees" that make the LTA look like a fucking charity.

"Limpeh cannot even afford to drive to the kopitiam," said one PHV driver, currently wondering if his Prius can run on diluted Tiger Beer.

At least the prices will stop your douchebag cousin from flexing his rented McLaren on Instagram.