
Influencer Fails To Light Incense After Searching For 'On' Switch
Malaysian influencer Junee has successfully reached nirvana by proving that the only thing more hollow than an unlit incense stick is her own skull.
The "content creator" recently visited an ancient temple in China dressed in an outfit that screamed “I’m here for the spirits, but mostly the ones served at Marquee.”
Followers were outraged that she failed to light her incense, though insiders suggest she was simply waiting for a firmware update to enable the “fire” feature on her props.
“Walao eh, dress like that to go temple, might as well just go Geylang and stand there for free,” commented one netizen who clearly hasn't seen her subscription rates.
Junee’s decision to hold unlit sticks has been hailed as a revolutionary "eco-friendly" prayer method that prevents smoke from smudging her $500 foundation.
Sources say the influencer spent three hours trying to find a USB-C port on the bottom of the incense sticks before giving up and just pouting for the camera.
The temple’s resident monks were reportedly confused, as they hadn't seen someone try to communicate with the divine using a push-up bra since the Tang Dynasty’s last great slut-walk.
In a move showing immense bravery, Junee deactivated her social media accounts the moment she realized she couldn't block the actual Gods for “harassment.”
It is understood that the incense remained unlit because the smoke would have obscured the real focus of the photo: her surgically enhanced personality.
Kanina, if these influencers put half as much effort into reading a book as they do into finding the right filter, we might actually have a functional society.
The influencer is reportedly currently in hiding, waiting for the internet to find a new person to crucify so she can go back to selling slimming tea to idiots.
This satire is based on a real news story.
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