Indonesian Finance Minister Purbaya Yudhi Sadewa has finally realized that having a massive coastline is a total waste of space if you aren’t shaking down every passing vessel for spare change.

Inspired by Iran’s hobby of holding global energy supplies hostage, Purbaya floated the idea of a "convenience fee" for any container ship that dares to float through the Strait of Malacca without paying for the privilege.

The Minister suggested a three-way split of the profits with Singapore and Malaysia, assuming that the three nations could ever agree on something other than whose street food tastes most like authentic garbage.

The proposal was immediately nuked by Singapore’s Foreign Minister Vivian Balakrishnan, who reminded Jakarta that you cannot simply slap a virtual ERP gantry on the ocean and hope for the best.

Vivian clarified that "transit passage" is an international right, not a premium Tinder subscription, even if the passing tankers are actively dumping toxic sludge into the local ecosystem.

The Indonesian minister eventually backed off, admitting that taxing the salt in the sea is significantly harder than taxing the local population into absolute poverty.

Experts suggest the government should stick to their traditional exports of volcanic ash and seasonal haze rather than attempting to monetize the basic concept of physics and movement.