Singapore’s smooth-coated otters have officially entered mating season, proving that a diet of stolen koi is more aphrodisiac than any government-sponsored dating cruise.

While the human population remains surgically attached to their spreadsheets, the Bishan-10 are currently engaged in a wet-and-wild orgy at the Marina Reservoir.

NParks officials have reportedly abandoned hope for local birth rates, pivoting their focus to these semi-aquatic exhibitionists who procreate in public gutters without shame.

Witness and avid voyeur, Lim Ah Huat, was impressed by the raw aquatic stamina on display.

“Wah lao, these otters shag more than me and my wife together sia,” Lim noted while recording the carnal chaos for his TikTok.

“Last time I try like that in Botanic Gardens, police catch me, but these fur-kids get five-star reviews and free fish.”

Ministers are now considering replacing family grants with mandatory swimming lessons and raw carp.