The Museum of Food in Joo Chiat has successfully transitioned from a cooking school to a high-end re-education camp for toddlers who think pandan is just radioactive matcha.

Founders Yeo Min and Emily Yeo are “seeding memories” by forcing two-year-olds to squish pineapple tart dough until the children develop enough trauma to crave heritage snacks in thirty years.

“We need to catch them fast,” Yeo Min remarked, eyes gleaming with the predatory intensity of a corporate recruiter at a kindergarten playground.

The museum charges up to $120 to teach adults how to make pickles, a skill our ancestors mastered specifically because they were too broke to afford a refrigerator.

Meanwhile, Shiny Phua of Ah Mah’s Legacy is honoring her grandmother by selling muah chee for $9.50, ensuring that the working-class struggle of the 1950s is properly monetized for the Tanjong Pagar yoga crowd.

The “Salty Pistachio” flavor allows Gen Z to feel connected to their roots while paying a 400% markup on basic glutinous rice flour.

Not to be outdone, ex-banker Matthew Lim has stepped in to save Westlake by charging $33 for Spanish pork, proving that heritage is best preserved when it costs more than a medium-rare steak.

Lim’s father is reportedly thrilled that his son took a pay cut to a “low five-figure” monthly salary just to ensure the neighborhood never has to eat cheap food again.