Golden Village has announced the closure of its Tiong Bahru outlet, finally admitting that cinema screens cannot compete with the neighborhood's insatiable demand for $28 avocado toast.

The iconic cinema, which has served as the primary venue for secondary school students to dry-hump in air-conditioned comfort since 1994, will shutter on March 29.

Management confirmed the lease will not be renewed, as the floor space is better suited for a minimalist lifestyle boutique that sells organic air and $400 white t-shirts.

"Liao lo, now where I go to sleep for two hours for ten dollars?" asked regular patron Lim Kopi.

"Now the whole mall just one big place for hipsters to take chio Instagram photos of their flat whites while pretending they are not unemployed," he added.