Singapore’s “30 by 30” food security goal achieved a breakthrough today as a high-tech vertical farm harvested its first $400 stalk of bok choy.

The vegetable, pampered by ultraviolet LEDs and Mozart sonatas, reportedly tastes exactly like its 50-cent Malaysian counterpart but with a distinct aftertaste of venture capital.

“Wah lau, this one not just sayur, this one is blue-chip asset leh,” remarked chief farmer, Lim Kopi.

“I tell my kale every night they are better than those peasant Cameron Highlands veggies so they grow very sombong and very expensive.”

The government confirmed that while citizens cannot actually afford to eat the local produce, the blinding purple glare from the hydroponic towers successfully discourages low-income residents from loitering.

Should the farm go bankrupt next month, the facility will be immediately converted into a co-living space for tech bros.