The Malaysian legal system has officially ruled that dying is the only lawful way to avoid a court date.

Trader R. Ganesalingam faces the gallows after having the audacity to survive a drive-by shooting by ramming his lorry into his would-be assassins.

Prosecutors argue that while the gunmen were merely "expressing themselves" with bullets, Ganesalingam’s decision to stay alive was a premeditated act of extreme violence.

Singaporeans, watching from across the Causeway, are now reconsidering their road rage habits.

"Liddat also cannot?" asked Jurong resident Ah Beng.

"Next time someone shoot me, I just signal left, pull over, and wait for the coffin to arrive properly."

The court reminded citizens that self-defence is only legal if you don’t actually win.