The Ministry of Education has officially scrapped streaming, effectively forcing Singapore’s future CEOs to acknowledge the presence of children who enjoy woodwork.

Under the new Full Subject-Based Banding, "Express" students are being recklessly exposed to "Normal" peers, a move socialites claim is more toxic than a 1-star review at a Michelin restaurant.

Local mother Mdm Tan expressed her horror at the sudden lack of academic apartheid.

"Wah lao, my boy go school for what? If he sit next to those 'Normal' kids, later their low-IQ germs jump on him how?"

"Now he come home cannot even spell 'meritocracy' properly already, so cham!"

MOE insists that mixing students will foster social cohesion, but experts predict a massive spike in parents demanding private soundproof booths for their gifted offspring.

The government suggested that if parents are truly upset, they can simply purchase a third luxury condominium to cope.