Caltex diesel prices have surged to $4.68, officially making the liquid more valuable than the sweat of the poor fuckers driving the trucks.

As the Middle East descends into chaos, Singapore’s Parliament is preparing to "discuss" the impact, likely while enjoying a catered buffet that costs more than your monthly fuel bill.

The Government’s plan to "cushion the impact" is expected to involve a $15 voucher and a YouTube video of Lawrence Wong playing the guitar to distract you from your bankruptcy.

SME bosses are already encouraging drivers to "coast more" and "breathe less" to improve fuel efficiency.

At this rate, filling up a tank will require a second mortgage or a high-functioning organ-harvesting side hustle.

Just take the bus, you broke lanjiao.