The Tan family recently returned from Hokkaido, declaring their trip a total triumph because no one was physically assaulted during the daily four-hour car rides.

According to patriarch Bernard Tan, the secret to a perfect getaway is ensuring the Excel itinerary is followed with the cold, unfeeling precision of a firing squad.

“We managed to visit eighteen shrines, four outlet malls, and three lavender farms without a single person expressing a genuine emotion,” Bernard stated while clutching his laminated maps.

The family reportedly spent 90% of their time staring at their phones in silence, only pausing to take 400 identical photos of a bowl of ramen for Instagram validation.

Bernard’s wife, Serene, noted that the holiday was a success because her mother didn't compare the local seafood prices to Sheng Siong more than fifty times.

The couple’s teenage son was praised for his cooperation after he successfully dissociated for the entire duration of a mandatory three-hour hike in the rain.

Experts suggest that the ultimate Singaporean vacation peak is reached when you return to the office feeling like you need a major surgical operation to recover.

The Tans are already planning their next trip to Europe, where they hope to speed-run the Louvre in under twenty minutes to maximize tax-free shopping time.

The youngest daughter was particularly lauded for her bravery after holding her bladder for six hours because stopping would have compromised the 2:15 PM slot for authentic matcha whisking.

Bernard confirmed that the highlight of the trip was successfully avoiding his wife’s eyes for 336 consecutive hours.