Local newlyweds have successfully extorted their social circle by hosting a three-hour hostage situation disguised as a wedding banquet.

The menu featured a "Deluxe Cold Platter" with jellyfish like shredded garden hoses and chicken dry enough to be a fire hazard.

Guests endured a forty-minute "Yam Seng" ritual just to earn a single spoonful of radioactive-green broccoli.

"Eh, I pay $288 but the abalone look like rubber eraser leh," complained one guest while nursing a lukewarm Tiger beer.

Another witness noted the steamed garoupa was so overcooked it had essentially returned to its prehistoric fossilised state.

"Wait three hours then serve Ee-Fu noodles? Might as well go kopitiam buy Maggie Mee," remarked the groom’s malnourished auntie.

Despite the culinary war crimes, the couple remains ecstatic about their $50,000 profit margin.