The Infocomm Media Development Authority confirmed today that Singapore’s digital utopia was successfully dismantled by a single construction worker who didn’t know where he was digging.

Approximately 5,000 residents in Sengkang and Punggol were thrust into a pre-industrial wasteland where they were forced to maintain eye contact with their spouses.

One local man reported that without fiber internet, he was horrified to discover his wife had aged significantly since her 2018 Facebook profile picture.

LTA officials admitted that while the North-South Corridor is designed for progress, the entire island’s connectivity is currently dependent on a single cable thinner than a secondary school student’s will to live.

Affected users described the scene as "total chaos," with many reporting they had to read the physical labels on shampoo bottles for entertainment while on the toilet.

NetLink Trust engineers spent the night trying to tape the internet back together while avoiding the tears of teenagers unable to upload TikToks of themselves crying.

Local police have been deployed to Bishan to prevent mass casualties among people who cannot check their bank balances every six minutes to feel alive.

The "Smart Nation" initiative will resume once the government finds a contractor who can distinguish between "dirt" and "the only reason people don't kill themselves."