China has officially blocked Israel on all social platforms after a steamy Beijing rendezvous with the Iranian Foreign Minister.

Foreign Minister Wang Yi confirmed that Israel’s "warmongering" has resulted in a permanent one-star rating on the global Taobao of diplomacy.

Beijing’s decision to label Israel a "high-risk area" has sent local investors into a frenzy, mostly because they can’t find a way to arbitrage the carnage for a quick profit.

"The vibes are absolutely rancid," a Chinese spokesperson said, while reportedly swiping right on every oil-rich sugar daddy in the Middle East.

Singaporeans are watching the drama unfold with high anxiety, mainly concerned that this geopolitical divorce will somehow make the next iPhone more expensive or delay their Temu shipments.

With Israel caught flirting with Taiwan, Beijing has decided to cut off the allowance, leaving Tel Aviv to wonder if the side-chick was really worth losing the world’s biggest bank account.