Thousands of massive cargo vessels are flooding Singapore’s waters just to loiter like secondary school kids in a Sheng Siong air-con aisle.

Maritime experts confirm that while the Iran war is forcing tankers to visit our port, most captains are refusing to pump fuel because they are “just looking.”

The trend of "slow steaming" has reached peak efficiency, with several massive tankers now moving at the speed of a stroke victim.

Shipowners are reportedly ordering crews to row with giant soup spoons rather than pay the current market price for very low sulphur oil.

The Port of Singapore Authority is baffled as thousands of sailors disembark only to ask where the nearest free Wi-Fi is located.

Industry insiders suggest the next cost-cutting measure involves ships hitching a ride on migrating whales to save a few dollars.

Government officials are considering installing "No Loitering" signs in the sea to deter these international cheapskates.

Local sex workers report a surge in sailors who just want to talk about fuel prices.