
Changi Private Terminal Allows Rich To Fly Without Seeing Poor People
Work has begun to ensure Singapore’s elite never have to inhale the same recycled air as a secondary school teacher on a budget trip to Bangkok.
The new private terminal will replace the existing "Commercially Important Persons" (CIP) site, which was deemed "sibei too close" to people who travel in economy class.
Changi Airport Group confirmed the facility is specifically for travelers who find the sight of a Quechua backpack "visually offensive" and "physically painful."
Amenities include a "Bespoke Dining" hall where the air is filtered to remove any trace of the "poor person smell" that lingers around the rest of Terminal 2.
There will also be a pet-friendly zone, because a billionaire’s French Bulldog is objectively more valuable to the Singapore economy than your entire family tree.
"Some travellers seek a personalized premium experience," said a spokesperson, which is polite PR-speak for "rich people are tired of looking at your ugly faces at the boarding gate."
The terminal will feature private suites where high-net-worth individuals can comfortably discuss how much they hate paying GST without being overheard by the peasants.
A new covered amphitheater will also be built, primarily for the elite to watch slow-motion replays of ordinary Sinkies trying to find a seat at a crowded hawker center.
By 2027, the wealthiest 1% can finally complete their entire journey from a Sentosa Cove bungalow to a London penthouse without once making eye contact with a commoner.
"It’s about efficiency," added the spokesperson, "and by efficiency, we mean avoiding the lanjiao queue at the tax-free counter with the rest of the losers."
The project is expected to be a massive success, finally solving the national crisis of a billionaire accidentally seeing a man in Crocs.
This satire is based on a real news story.
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