Defence Minister Chan Chun Sing has finally achieved world peace by explaining to Qatar that the Strait of Hormuz is legally identical to the Sengkang Public Swimming Complex.

During a high-stakes meeting at the Shangri-La Dialogue, Chan insisted that "navigational rights" are strictly contingent on whether the US Navy remembers to shower before entering the water.

The Minister reportedly lectured Sheikh Saoud for three hours on the importance of banning heavy petting and cannonballs in international waterways to prevent "ponding."

"If Iran attempts another blockade, we will simply send a fleet of auntie-lifeguards to blow whistles until the missiles feel awkward and leave," Chan remarked while aggressively gesturing at a diagram of a pool ladder.

The Sheikh has reportedly agreed to install "Fine $500" signs along the Persian Gulf to ensure global trade remains as orderly as a primary school excursion to Wild Wild Wet.