The People’s Association has finally admitted that its $10 ballroom dancing classes are merely a government-sanctioned excuse for retirees to grope each other under fluorescent lights.

While the official syllabus claims to teach the Waltz, most sessions involve Uncle Lim aggressively thrusting his artificial hip against Auntie Poh to the muffled sounds of a 1980s MIDI track.

Participants claim this "active lepak" is the only legitimate way to spend their CPF before the government finds another way to lock it up forever.

"Aiyah, my knees pain but my hands still can touch mah, so just enjoy lor!" said 74-year-old witness, Tan Ah Kow.

"Instructor say need 'passion', so I just hug Auntie Siew May like I never see her for ten years, damn shiok sia," he added while adjusting his polyester slacks.

Authorities remain hopeful that this tax-funded dry-humping will successfully distract the elderly from the skyrocketing cost of living.