The Consumer Association of Singapore has heroically intervened in the petrol crisis by asking multi-billion dollar oil conglomerates if they could please stop raw-dogging the national economy for five minutes.

The Watchdog President insisted that "exercising restraint" is a highly effective economic strategy, much like asking a saltwater crocodile to consider a vegan lifestyle.

To combat the 8.6 per cent price hike, authorities suggested Sinkies download an app so they can watch their bank accounts drain in high-definition real-time.

"I tell them 'steady lah, can give discount or not?'" said one disgruntled private hire driver.

"They say 'cannot', then immediately change the price sign behind my back to $3.35, damn basket man!"

Citizens are encouraged to continue "monitoring" the situation until they are eventually forced to commute to work via unicycle.