Mahmud Azmani Fikri, a man currently held together by enough Home Fix hardware to build a shelf, has decided that being flattened into a human prata is significantly more relaxing than riding the MRT.

After surviving a drunk driver who mistook Tampines for the final lap of the Singapore Grand Prix, Mahmud realized the real trauma wasn't his shattered spine, but the laser-focused judgment of a nearby auntie.

“The car crash merely destroyed my physical form, but the uncle staring at my priority seat destroyed my will to live,” Mahmud shared while tightening a loose screw in his shoulder.

Despite possessing more titanium than a high-end golf club, Mahmud was recently forced back onto his bike to escape the silent fury of commuters who think a limp is just a performance art piece.

He noted that while being pinned between two vehicles was physically demanding, it lacked the agonizing social pressure of a teenager filming him for a ‘POV: Entitled Gen Z’ video.

The survivor now braves the Tampines death trap daily, preferring a high-speed collision over the smell of a stranger’s damp armpit at 8 AM.

He remains optimistic that the next Mercedes to hit him will at least provide a seat that doesn’t require a doctor’s note to justify.