The Monetary Authority of Singapore has officially declared "survival" a premium luxury tier reserved exclusively for the ultra-wealthy.

Citizens are now encouraged to photosynthesize in East Coast Park to avoid the extortionate cost of a basic plate of chicken rice.

Local man Lim Kopi was recently spotted auctioning his non-essential internal organs on Carousell to fund a single supermarket trip.

"Siao liao, now add one egg also need to take bank loan," Lim lamented while clutching his sole remaining kidney.

"Last time I thought I rich, now see the fish price at the wet market I want to cry father cry mother."

The government suggests that residents unable to afford electricity should harness the friction from their own existential dread to generate power.

"Don't say I never warn you, next time even breathing the air at MBS will have GST," muttered a passing auntie.

By 2025, the only thing Singaporeans will afford is a brochure about things they can no longer afford.