The latest ISEAS survey confirms that ASEAN is essentially a glorified WhatsApp group where "non-interference" is just a diplomatic way of saying "I’m watching your house burn down while eating satay."

While Thailand and Cambodia exchanged air strikes, regional ministers heroically met to decide which brand of mineral water to serve at the next useless talk.

Singapore was voted the "leading contributor," mostly because we have the biggest bank accounts and the smuggest faces while doing absolutely fuck all.

Over a million civilians were displaced, but the grouping remains "proactive."

By "proactive," they mean they’ll issue a joint statement once the US and China finish doing the actual work.

Consensus achieved: everyone is useless together.