Anthony Albanese is touching down in Singapore this April to remind everyone that Australia isn't just a giant, burning paddock full of venomous cunts.

PM Lawrence Wong has scheduled a "comprehensive" lunch where they’ll bond over how much they both love foreign money and ignoring the poor.

The itinerary includes a high-octane tour of Jurong Island, where Albanese will spend three hours sniffing industrial fumes just to feel a spark of life.

MFA confirmed the visit reaffirms ties, which is code for Lawrence asking why Aussies keep coming here to vomit in Clarke Quay.

"It’s a strategic partnership," whispered one civil servant.

"We provide the brainpower, and they provide the rocks and the drunken bin-chickens."