In a visionary move to turn the population into human pretzels, ActiveSG has reportedly banned weightlifting belts and duct-taped all cable attachments.

Management explained that permanent duct tape ensures no one accidentally experiences "variety" or "joy" while exercising.

One disgruntled gym-goer noted the new rules make every heavy squat a direct invitation for a permanent wheelchair.

"Wah lau, everything also cannot, want to change attachment must wait for 'expert' to come," grumbled one lifter.

"Later my kopek also they duct tape down ah?"

A staff member confirmed that operating a carabiner now requires a specialized degree and government training.

Management insists permanent attachments are safer for a public clearly confused by basic metal clips.