A 71-year-old bus driver is currently assisting police after deciding a red car in Pasir Ris looked like a perfect cushion for his double-decker.

Public transport officials praised the senior citizen for his commitment to working until his cataracts literally collide with reality.

“We want our seniors to stay active, and nothing says active like a five-vehicle pile-up during the mid-afternoon lull,” said one witness who narrowly avoided being flattened.

The driver, who is older than the concept of modern road safety, reportedly veered across the divider to check if his reflexes still existed.

Sources say the uncle was just trying to finish his shift before his CPF finally pays out in the year 2099.

SBS Transit confirmed that while the red car is now a metal pancake, the driver is technically still on track for his Long Service Award.

Investigative officers are currently asking the man to identify which pedal is the brake, a question he hasn’t answered since the Lee Kuan Yew era.

The Ministry of Manpower is reportedly using the crash as a case study for why retirement is a myth invented by weak people.

Residents are advised to wear helmets whenever they see a driver whose license was originally issued via stone tablet.